donderdag 1 november 2012

"The Gene Generation" (2007) + "Big Tits Zombie" (2010)

Bai Ling is hot as a supernova in this movie about DNA crimes. Big Tits Zombie has some 3D bits (i almost wrote 3D tits) in it that add absolutely nothing to this movie but it is retarded enough to entertain.

"DEAD SNOW" (2009) + "NAZIS AT THE CENTER OF THE EARTH" (The Asylum 2012)

Zombie nazis! "Dead Snow" is a norwegian movie about a group of people on a snowvacation. When they're in their cabin zombie nazis who've been around since the end of the second world war show up & they start to annihilate them one by one. Zombiesplatter with a lot of humour: a guy who cuts off his arm after being bitten in order to avoid turning into a zombie gets bitten in the groin only seconds after severing his arm with a chainsaw. Ouch! "Nazis At The Center Of The Earth" is a mix of genres: hostel/saw like gore, sillyness, a lot of wtf-moments: zombie-like nazis! RoboHitler (the most hilarious scenes i've seen in a long time)! A nazi spaceship! Starring a.o. Dominique Swain (Lolita, Face/Off) & Jake Busey (Starship Troopers). I wonder what The Asylum will come up with next: RoboHitler versus Cyborg-Wiesenthal? Winston Churchill: Vampire Nazislayer? When i was watching this i got an idea for a new Star Trek series: "Star Trek: The Fourth Reich" in which the federation has to fight a race of alien nazis. Alien nazis were actually used in various episodes of star trek: voyager & star trek: enterprise so the idea of doing an entire series on the subject isn't that far-fetched. How about it, Paramount?

woensdag 24 oktober 2012

Black Devil Doll From Hell (1984)

"Ah, the good old days of VHS, when just about any cinematic turd could find a distributor" - Takeshi666 on

woensdag 17 oktober 2012


screem # 24 excellent horror/b-movie/science fiction/ ... magazine. in this issue articles on a.o. prometeus (interviewing one of the screen writers), scary ventriloquist dummies, the blu-ray edition of cannibal holocaust (which i've never seen btw), obscure & almost forgotten movies (released on dvd-r on demand by warner bros & mgm), the carreer of ray milland; a leading man in the '30s & '40s gone horror & b-movie later in his carreer, lengthy reviews, ... highly recommended!
alternative cinema # 12 (1997) alternative cinema was a magazine focussing on independent, straight-to-video, "b" movie zombie/slasher/horror movies. on the cover: lei renniks in "ravage" (left above), debbie rochon & tamara craig thomas in "tromeo & juliet" (center) & frank meyer in "the bride of frank" (left below)

vrijdag 5 oktober 2012


This movie about deadly WASPS is called "Killer BEE"! Huh?! The original title is "Swarmed", but still ... killer BEE?! Starring a.o. Michael Shanks ("Stargate SG1"). I guess the people who make the artwork for the boxcovers often do not see the movie themselves. In some cases that is VERY obvious but more about that later. Michael Shanks plays a scientist who tests a pesticide on wasps that makes them deadly. Instead of the pesticide killing them it actually makes them stronger. A couple of wasps escape & they start stinging people in the town nearby. In one scene a character is watching a creature feature that looked much more promising than this movie. They should've gone for a "The Fly" rip-off, you know: the stinged people turning into manwasps! But they DIDN'T! At least they deliver in "Mosquito Man" aka "Mansquito". In that movie a convict is brought to a scientific facility where they experiment on the dna of mosquitos. When the convict sees his change to escape he runs into a laboratory & while the cops pursuit him a lot of stuff in a lab gets broken, a.o. a blue fluid which the convict gets on his arm & which turns him slowly into a giant mosquito. Obviously "inspired" by "The Fly" but FUN! This movie stars Corin Nemec, who replaced Michael Shanks in one season of "Stargate SG1". Nemec plays another character in "Stargate SG1" who refers to Shanks' character, doctor Daniel Jackson, the whole time. "I've studied doctor Jacksons' research on this matter" et al. But I'm digressing. Our judgment: "Killer Bee": mmmmmhh We're not convinced. "Mosquito Man": great!
Pictured: Mansquito is getting jiggy with a human female.

maandag 1 oktober 2012


Starring a.o. George Kiseleff, Ulli Lommel, ... Directed by Ulli Lommel. Another one of those direct-to-dvd & shot-on-video movies. My first encounter with director Ulli Lommel wasn't too good. I disliked his "The BTK Killer" which I haven't finished to this day. I was surprised to find out Ulli Lommel is around as an actor and director since the early '70s in Germany and who now lives in the USA. I thought he was a guy who's been making movies in recent years but he's the director of the 1980's original of "The Boogeyman" which was remade in recent years. I thought he did that movie from a few years ago (on these dvd boxcovers they keep mentioning "from the director of The Boogeyman") and that these serial killer movies were done before the remake of "The Boogeyman". But apparantly Lommel made various movies that got a theatrical release and with a bigger budget, before and after these serial killer movies, being a.o. "The Green River Killer", "The BTK Killer", "The Zodiac Killer", ... These movies look very cheap, sometimes even unintentionally funny. Sometimes he uses stock footage from his earlier movies and other stock footage (didn't quite like the slaughterhouse stock footage in "The BTK Killer" which made my stomach turn). The guy who plays Ridgway doesn't look or sound like the real Ridgway, a fact that is emphasized by the use of stock footage of the real Ridgway being interrogated by police. The scene in which Ridgway gets angry at a co-worker who calls him Green River Gary is hilarious. Ridgway was a suspect in recent years of the investigation of the Green River killings but wasn't arrested for a long time due to lack of proof and was connected years later when they started using new DNA techniques. His co-workers tease him with being a suspect. "What's my name? What's my name?!" This movie isn't bad but not for people who are used to big budget blockbusters. Most of Lommel's other movies that I've seen weren't bad either. My favourite is "The Zodiac Killer", in which Lommel plays the writer of a book on the Zodiac case and is contacted by a Zodiac killer copycat. As it turns out the writer knows the Zodiac well, véry well!


Starring a.o. Bruce Greenwood, Cary Elwes, ... A few years ago this tv-movie was on tv (which is the most logical course of action for a tv-movie I would guess) and I was sucked into the story based on true events dealing with the Green River Killer case. Bruce Greenwood plays criminologist Robert Keppel who has a history with Ted Bundy, that other notorious serial killer. In order to catch the Green River Killer Keppel starts to have conversations with Ted Bundy, who's on death row. Being a serial killer himself Bundy can provide information about the psychology of a serial killer & therefore police can look for things they overlooked & perhaps even predict his next steps. This movie is more about Bundy than Gary Ridgway, the Green River Killer. We learn more about Bundy than about Ridgway. Cary Elwes (an actor who has been in a wide variety of genres) is very good as Bundy & so is Greenwood as Keppel. When this was on television I couldn't see the whole movie because I had to work the next day & I already was cutting sleep to see the first part of this movie. In order not to be a complete zombie the next day I went to sleep, figuring they would broadcast it again sooner or later since they repeat a lot of movies anyway. But that didn't happen. So I was glad I found this ex-rental very cheap (about € 2) and could see the film entirely. If you find this on dvd don't hesitate to buy it!


Starring a.o. Andrew Divoff, Meg Foster, George Takei, Carel Struyken, ... Produced by Full Moon Pictures Before "Cowboys & Aliens" combined westerns and science fiction there was "Oblivion" (and the animated series Braveheart!). A bunch of outlaws led by Red Eye (a lizzard-like alien with a red eyepatch played by Andrew "Wishmaster" Divoff) terrorizes a town called Oblivion untill Stone, the long-lost son of the sheriff (who, er, expired) comes to save the day and then the fun begins! Carel Struijken ("Twin Peaks", "The Addams Family", "Star Trek TNG") plays death's best friend, showing up at the exact moment when someone dies in order to bury them (he's the towns graveyard man), wearing a high hat which makes him even taller than he already is. He has a lot of lines, no mute part like in "The Addams Family", and that is a good thing. I like his performance of The Giant in "Twin Peaks" a lot ("There's a man in a smiling bag. Without chemicals he points. The owls are not what they seem." Remember that?!). George Takei (Sulu in "Star Trek") plays the local doctor who's always drunk. In one scene he's drinking a bottle of Jim Beam & says: "Jim, beam me up!" and a couple of other jokes referring to Star Trek. Meg Foster looks great in her s/m-like outfit. In her day she looked great. When I checked her profile on IMDb I saw a recent photo of her, not looking so great anymore (at least not on that pic). Andrew Divoff plays two roles, one as Red Eye and another one without a mask. Some great stop/motion animation with giant scorpions. Silly acting (the "cat woman" is painfully awful). The scene in which a ceremony takes place to bury the sheriff with people playing bingo at the same time a floor higher is hilarious ("thursday is bingo night!")! Alas, at the end of the movie a title says 'to be continued' and I DON'T HAVE THE SEQUEL!


Starring a.o. Zach Galligan, Bruce Campbell, Martin Kemp, ... Dutch subtitled edition released by Emporium Movies This is actually "Wax Worx 2". I dunno why Emporium Movies named it "Spaceshift". This edition has a blue gremlin-like creature on the cover so I expected a rip-off of Gremlins (also Zach Galligan plays the lead role, most known for Gremlins 1 & 2) since they are also ripping off/making a parody of other movies such like Frankenstein & Alien. I like the Alien-bit the most, looking similar but ... different (did I spark your interest just now?). Zach Galligan's character & his girlfriend are running away from the creatures of "Wax Worx 1" (which I didn't see) & end up in a vortex which shifts them in various alternative dimensions which happen to be other movies (don't you hate it when that happens? You're waiting for the bus and next thing you know you're in a Star Wars-like world!). The Bruce Campbell bit is very funny too. He's tied up with the flesh of his chest being eaten & bones sticking out ("Oh, it's only a fleshwound"). But all in all they lose too much time in some dimensions that aren't very interesting. Very chaotic movie. Emporium Movies used a vhs copy of this film as the master for their dvd release which is a constant factor with all Emporium Movies releases (their site is offline so I guess they're out of business). You're actually watching a video on dvd which has a certain charm.

SILENT BLOODNIGHT (2006) Directed by Stefan Peczelt & Elmar Weichsmann

Produced by Tigerline Productions, distributed by Brain Damage Films Starring a.o. Robert Cleaner, Vanessa Vee, Mike Vega, Christine Dune, ... This is an austrian (not australian) horrormovie shot in english. All actors, who are all non-professional, are austrian and sound like Arnold Schwarzenegger which is often unintentional funny. This is one of those low budget horrorflicks shot in the spare time of the makers, shot on video, cheap looking. Like those Lars Von Trier movies but without artistic pretences. A guy on IMDb wrote this movie caused him wanting to kill himself because it is so bad. I laughed my head off (with no help of the serialkiller in the movie who decapitates people with a shovel)! A mentally handicapped woman is abused by a couple of guys who accidentally kill the girl (the scene is which this happens is so silly, it sounds a lot worse than what actually happens in the film) & her father wants revenge and kills everyone involved one by one, including innocent bystanders, with his shovel. The guy who plays the role of the father is really funny, clenching his teeth & with his eyes bulging out and wearing a hat that makes him look a bit like Freddy Krueger. He even kills a girls who's allergic to bees with a jar filled with bees and holds the open jar to her stomach. The raging bees sting her in the belly multiple times. When she dies & the killer leaves we see a close-up of the bee jar and you can see nothing is moving or flying in the jar so no real bees where hurt in the making of this movie, haw! A journalist of a local tv-station investigates the murders. This role is played by Vanessa Vee, a name that sounds like a porn actress. I guess it's not her real name. She reminded me of Elizabeth Berkley ("Showgirls"), great body (she presents her broadcasts in a bikini!) & her face is okay. She has a thick austrian accent that would make even Schwarzenegger blush. She's also the one who provides the most unintentional funny moments. The special effects are hilarious as well, using fashion dolls (mannequins) for the decapitated bodies with blood spurting out. There's some softcore in it too when we see a couple fucking. The girl (I forgot her name) has a great body, nice cleavage but not a very pretty face (but with tits like that who will care?). Of course the shovel killer kills them. Then some running around and a lot of stuff happening. Who will survive? If you like bad movies that are unintentional funny then this is for you.